Graffiti in all its glorious forms.

OK - so I've now got way too much time on my hands without the half hourly subscription to facebook - what do I do to fill my spare time?

One of my many hates is graffiti - and more specifically tagging.

In fact - lets just stop and think about this for a moment.

I can actually see some kind of twisted pleasure in vandalism. I mean - who hasn't smashed a bottle and got a cheap thrill from the glass breaking (just don't think about the consequences of some poor animal discovering the results of your moments guilty pleasure with its unclad feet you unfeeling bastard.....) but scrawling undecipherable scribbles on 'something' be it a public or private place? - well that really escapes me.

I mean - firstly the approach seems a bit wrong. The word graffiti kind of instills a bit of cool to the activity.

Let us re appropriate this phrase to what it really is. Graffiti now becomes: Scribbling.

I urge you to (at least mentally) replace every instance of the word graffiti that you see with the word scribble, or scribbling.

This immediately takes away 'the cool'.

So what does that leave us with?

The poor suckers that 'cooly' paint their 'tag' on any fence, building or other (substitute your own item here)  are really searching for some kind of approval from mummy. Where else have you seen that indecipherable scribble? Yes - you remember - Kindy - playschool. Basically under five year olds do it.

What's the problem cool guy?

Mummy not give you enough attention, crayons, or paper when you were a toddler and now you feel you have to show someone else to get some kind of reaction?

It isn't art you know.

Art is something that provokes reaction, most commonly in an emotional response - good or bad. What people see when you scribble on a lamp post is not really the same thing so don't kid yourself.

So - I volunteered for the local council team of graffiti clearing up guys - we don't have a name. No one knows who we are - so I guess we must be supermen (unless your name is Lois). The guy that co-ordinates the volunteers calls us 'Dads Army' as  most of the volunteers are retired or elderly blokes with spare time on their hands looking to see what they can do to piss off the younger generation.  Haha! Revenge is ours!

The council have virtually unlimited funds - that is to say, that if they need more money they only need put up your mum and dads rates. If you live in rented housing and don't pay rates don't think you'll get away with it there either Buster. You mum or dad will have to meet the rising cost of rentals because someone has to recoup their costs somewhere along the line. In short - we've got more paint than you. We've got more time than you. We work in the daylight and not by torchlight.  Although you think it's really cool to scribble on that bus stop, lamp post or road sign, ultimately we all pay for it to be cleaned - so why do it? You aren't Banksy and never will be.

Think about that for the rest of your life when you're working at McDonald's and progressing your career on the way up to a job in a bank or wherever and become what you're currently rallying against, and probably depise most - a respectable human being; most likely with a mortgage!

Then you will also learn to hate the scribblers and wonder if their mummies didn't pay them enough attention when they were five too.

Either way - I have news for you - You will be assimilated! It happens to everyone sooner or later.

TTFN