Death. They both passed away.

I don’t know why this is important to me.

I just know it is.

Both my mum and dad died within three months of each other at the end of 2022 and start of 2023. They were old. Dad had a slow demise, was in pain, and suffered with increasing dementia and would do weird stuff that would unsettle my mum who was a bit younger and had, through necessity, become his main carer. Mum on the other hand, had all her marbles and appeared to be coming slowly to terms with dads death over the three months she survived his death. Then she had a stroke, heart attack and died. All of a sudden.

They were both in their 90s - dad five years older than mum so they both did really well, and although we were obviously sad, having lived a good and mostly comfortable life - it was not really the tragedy I expected. You never know how you will react to the loss of your parent, and certainly the loss of both almost three months apart to the day was unexpected and sad to say the least. But they were old.

I just find it odd that nearly everyone wants to talk about people that have passed, or that have passed away. Saying someone has died seems to be taboo. I don’t know when it became offensive to say death or died rather than “passed”. We live in a world where people complain about political correctness and the “woke brigade” but are also unable to confront death as the reality that will meet us all one day. It’s almost as if saying passed, or passed away, softens the blow and makes death less final and therefore more easy to deal with.

It’s final alright. Come to terms with it.

Grief affects people in different ways. I guess popular belief says you should feel this or that, and my reality has been different. Strange feelings that we have to deal with on a personal basis. Professionals I have encountered in the sphere of my parents death have all been fantastic. Respectful of feelings and the loss of nearest and dearest. They just skirt around the D words though and use many other euphemisms.

I live in Australia, mum and dad were in England - yet this phenomenon has travelled here from over there too so I don’t know if it’s a western culture thing or if other cultures are able to be more direct than us. I don’t have any religion. I don’t have any Christian belief, despite a Christian upbringing. Maybe this is my problem, maybe if I believed in a soul and heaven I would also refer to “passing”.

Maybe not.

Perhaps by saying “passed” it lessens the blow and somehow is more respectful? It’s only words.

Etiquette is a weird thing - especially in respect of something that is such a life event, and something we all have to deal with in one form or another.

My parents both died. 

Yours will too. 

So will we all. 

It can be tragic and there may be some left behind that will feel a massive loss. I think we need to reclaim the D word as it’s more honest, factual, and describes the events. It’s real. And final.

Ledderhose Disease and my personal journey.

 

Ledderhose Disease is a non-curable disease which affects the feet and is related to several other diseases such as Dupuytren’s Disease and Peyronie’s disease. Sufferers may have symptoms from just one or sometimes a combination of all three. They are commonly found along with other conditions too.

 

As long as I can remember, even back into childhood, I would from time to time suffer cramps in the soles of my feet. This would happen particularly when walking on sand or anywhere that the soles of my rather flat feet would be stressed. Usually, shoes would offer support and I wouldn’t have the cramping tearing feeling that something just wasn’t right, but even under normal circumstances occasionally I would still have the feeling of a shooting pain in one or both of my feet.

 

Fast forward to my forties, and after emigrating to Australia I noticed a small lump in the sole of my left foot. This continued to grow and was joined by “friends” on my right foot. Concerned it “might be cancer” as anyone is after a few hours with Dr Google, I made a rare trip to the doctor to see what I could find out.

 

An appointment for an ultrasound was booked and after some time spent with a sole full of lube and a not entirely unpleasant experience I was called back to my doctors for results. It was apparently a plantar fibroma – basically a non-threatening lump on the sole of my foot – my GP said I could probably have it cut out if it caused me problems or it may be possible to have a cortisone injection in it if it got any bigger though he wasn’t too sure about possible side effects or issues that could be caused by either treatment so suggested a monitor and do nothing approach until I started feeling greater discomfort. I was happy with this diagnosis and thought it a sensible approach.

 

Over the next few years the lumps in both feet continued to get larger, and although still not in pain I did take secret joy in slipping off my shoes at gatherings and showing friends my deformed feet seeing their looks of horror – especially the sole of the right foot now where the arch was almost entirely lump and no arch. The left foot had mostly seemed to stabilize with a lump the size of half a golf ball in the arch. Both lumps, although resistant to massage and tough were relatively soft and pliable and still didn’t really cause me too much discomfort, unless walking barefoot when they would hurt a little and I would get the old familiar feeling of small cramps or tearing in the soles. 

Before Treatment Sought

 

Around this time, I was diagnosed with an auto immune condition and started treatment for thyroxin deficiency. Whether there are any links to this, or just total coincidence, I started to notice that the lump on the right foot started shrinking. After 12 months of being on medication it almost disappeared and was certainly nothing like as large as it had been. As I was getting older and not particularly fit (I’d never found an exercise regime I enjoyed or could stick with) I started taking our dogs for long walks in the morning before work, starting with 3-4km and gradually building up to 6-7km every day, and up to 12-14km per day on weekends. Life was good. Weight was melting off me and fitness improved every day. 

Towards the last quarter of 2021 I noticed new pains in both feet but this time in the pads at the front just behind the toes. On feeling my feet, I could feel new lumps developing there and a stiffness in my toes that started to make bending them, and hence walking more of a chore. These new fibromas continued to grow – whilst the left foot arch lump stayed relatively stable in size and the right foot arch lump – although I could still feel something there, was virtually impossible to see. As the days passed, these new lumps grew larger and started to cause some real pain and concerns. By May of 2022 walking the dogs became too painful and I stopped.  My average speed of 6km/h had dropped to a little under 5km/h which doesn’t sound much but it’s the difference between being able to have a brisk walk and a gentle stroll. Pain levels were too high to walk recreationally and still take any pleasure from it.

 

Time to investigate treatment options.

 

By this time, I had thoroughly investigated any information I could find on this condition and found out that it’s a fairly widespread non curable disease called Ledderhose Disease. People all over the world suffer with it and many others had it far worse than I. There are several internet and Facebook support groups which do a good job of providing anecdotal information though relatively little research has been performed on the condition, so no-one really knows what factors make one susceptible to it, or even what really causes it.

 

Treatments vary, though the one thing that seems to be common is that any cure comes at a cost – loss of some mobility, and possible return of the fibromas. In fact, surgical removal which is very invasive seems anecdotally to actually promote the growth of the fibromas with many who have gone through the process of operations to remove theirs having them return within 6-12 months.

Other treatments aren’t available universally – and are dependent upon approval from whichever country you are from approving the use of specific treatment for this purpose – for example in the USA, hyaluronidase (an enzyme treatment) can be injected with some success to dissolve the fibromas over a number of sessions using ultrasound to ensure proper targeting. In Australia, this enzyme is licensed for medical use, but not apparently in this way, and is available for cosmetic treatments but not treatment of fibromas. Other branded treatments that were previously available (e.g. Xiaflex) have since become unlicensed and I haven’t been able to find out exactly why, or what the implications of that are for those that may have already been treated with these for whatever condition.

 

Other treatments available locally in Australia are generally similar but can vary from state to state. The first treatment most are offered are orthotic insoles for shoes – this works for some, but I found them very uncomfortable, and in my opinion a temporary fix only as these fibromas seem to keep growing so the orthotics would need continual adjustment to ensure they are doing their job. Generally, the most common treatment that gets offered is surgery. This is very invasive, with a long recovery time and has a poor record of recurring problems. Sometimes the problems can lead to total removal of the plantar fascia, and I have even heard of an instance of amputation of the foot following multiple complications. Obviously not something I really wanted to consider.

I further investigated shockwave therapies and radio therapy which are both available locally. My current GP is suggestible to a well-researched case and was only too happy to provide the referral I needed once I had settled on my course of treatment once I had provided him with alternatives, possible outcomes from the treatments available in our state.

 

Once I decided that radiotherapy would best suit me, I had the referral I needed and within a few days had an appointment to see an oncologist, and other appointments with a cancer treatment nurse and admin people to give me all the information I needed to confirm if this treatment would be the best for me. No pressure to sign up and as much time as I needed to decide. Medicare meets a large portion of the costs and although I have no medical insurance, apparently radio therapy isn’t covered anyway so any out-of-pocket costs would need to be met by me anyway.

Emotive words - oncologist and radiotherapy. Obvious associations with cancer, and although these are tumours, they are not cancerous. Whenever I have discussed this with friends, family and colleagues I have gone to great effort to try and explain a little about the condition - the minute you start to talk about radio therapy you can see people get that knowing look and start to wonder how much time you have left…

 

At the end of 2022 I signed up for a course of treatment – total time from getting the referral from my GP, to starting the treatment was a little under three weeks, starting 30^th November 2022 and including the initial consultation, and a follow up CT scan to see the extent of the areas to be treated, and creation of templates for both feet for lining up the linear accelerator accurately during treatments. Treatments are over 5 days, starting Wednesday, with a break for the weekend and concluding the following Tuesday. Then again, a couple of months later the same process – in my case 5 in November/December and concluding with 5 more sessions in February 2023

 

Left and Right the Day Before treatment 

 

The Treatment.

 

By this time the fibromas were giving me a lot of pain and on my left foot, I could no longer put my second toe (next to the big toe) on the ground, and it sat at a weird angle suspended by the fibroma behind it. This was my most painful area and made it difficult to do anything other than short walks – any kind of running or vigorous activity was out of the question.

After having the CT scan and fitting of templates for treatment I was quite enjoying the attention. To align the templates on each subsequent visit I was informed that I would be tattooed on each foot – just a blue dot on the upper part and the diagonal opposite part of my foot. This had been the most painful part of the treatment to date with the tattoo being done with a long needle jabbed into the rear of the big toe, and the sole of the foot toward the heel. Still, at least I could say I’d “got ink” although you’d probably be hard pushed to find any evidence of tattooing, and I suspect that in months to come they will fade away totally.

Upon arrival for the first treatment, I had been given a barcode for check in – this means I can scan in when onsite and go through to the waiting room behind the normal reception making for a very efficient appointment as anyone that needs to know I have arrived is notified. A short wait and I’m taken through to a darkened room to meet the linear accelerator of which there are two at this site. I’m prepared and lay down on the bed on my front with my feet supported – the templates are fitted, along with some doughy material to support the underside of my toes, my feet are marked with a pen so the machine knows where to deliver the radiation, and some cooling synthetic skin like material put on the soles so the machine can get the right depth. I am told to try not to move, then the staff leave the room and for maybe 60 seconds I am left alone whilst the machine directs the beam into my foot to do its stuff. The technical side of it is all pretty complicated but my understanding is that basically the fibromas are disrupted and broken down at cellular level, any damage done to normal cells is repaired by the body, whilst the fibromas are unable to repair and become smaller and softer.

The entire process is repeated for the other foot. 

It all takes around 10 minutes in total and then the lights come back on and we’re saying goodbye until tomorrow.

I walk out from the facility and get back in my car and drive home wondering when I’ll start feeling any benefits and when the side effects will kick in. At the initial consultation I was informed that it could be 6-12 months before I noticed any improvement in my condition, although it was usually a lot quicker than that. 

Possible side effects to look out for were changes in the skin colour and dryness, feelings of tiredness, possible hair loss in the treated area amongst others.

 

Directly after treatment showing template marks

 

After treatment.

 

Within two treatments the pain associated with my second toe had reduced – I was sure it couldn’t have been related but felt very pleased that things seemed to be progressing very quickly. During and after treatment it is important to moisturise the areas being treated as the radiotherapy process can cause dryness of the skin, so I was very conscious of applying moisturiser to the affected area as often as possible. Washing the area with non-scented soaps, and careful drying, then no use of talc or other deodorant should be used.

By the time my first round of treatment was complete the usual pains had returned, and I didn’t really feel that I had received any benefit, but with a further treatment to come, and possibly no expected improvements for 6-12 months I could be patient. At least my pain levels weren’t any worse… were they?

After a couple of weeks, I started to feel a lot of pain around the area of the sole that adjoin the toes. I had a couple of follow up calls with the oncologist and resolved to bring my concerns to his attention. In the mean time I tried to find out a bit more about side effects from radiotherapy – mind blowing stuff – I realised that although I couldn’t see any evidence on the skin, this would probably be due to blistering under the skin – it certainly felt like blisters and continued to give me pain for the next 10 days. By the time my consultation arrived I was actually feeling a lot better and most of the pain had gone, though I was informed I shouldn’t have waited for the consultation but contacted the specialist for some pain relief immediately.

 

Yellowing showing extent of blister area

 

25 days after the first treatment had completed, I felt I could tackle a small walk and managed 4km which I repeated for several days, carefully observing how much I could do without causing further pain and anxious that I wasn’t going to suddenly make things worse.  

36 days after the first treatment finished, the area I had suffered the blistering pain actually peeled from the soles of both my feet, leaving fresh skin underneath but with no further pain.

How they look during flaking

As time passed, every day the pain receded and gave me hope that the pain, if not the fibromas was on its way to disappearing entirely.  The fibromas were smaller and softer to the touch - not just hard painful lumps but now yielding to a prod or poke. By the time 45 days had passed, I was back to walking every day and just the usual aches and pains expected at my age. To the point that I considered my treatment a success and was questioning if I even needed to take a further 5 sessions. Clearly I had paid for, and committed to the full treatment and was hoping for additional improvements, and continued along the path already set.

The second treatment

On Wednesday 1st February 2023 I returned to the specialist rooms for the first of a further 5 treatments on each foot - this time I was coming from a position of little pain, and knew better what to expect from each session - indeed, one of the radiologists suggested that it was a little like getting back on a bike.

After the first session I noticed a little more pain in the toe joints on my left foot. A cramping feeling that would come and go. Not terribly painful, but annoying as I had virtually no pain before this treatment commenced. The next thing I noticed was the feeling of exhaustion. This had been spoken about as one of the possible side effects of radiotherapy before and during my first treatment but I hadn’t really felt it until the end of the first round of sessions - and if you’re anything like me your default condition is “tired” anyway so how would you really know? The treatments followed Thursday, Friday, then a weekend break and a slight departure for me on my return Monday - my treatment was a morning treatment instead of a late afternoon treatment.  This was proof to me that I really was being affected by the radiotherapy as I felt exhausted and hardly stopped yawning throughout the entire day. 

Left foot - penultimate treatment

Right foot - penultimate treatment

The final treatment was back to the usual time on Tuesday, preceded by a consult with the oncologist, and followed by an interview with the nurse. We spoke about how things were going and that I was generally very happy with the treatment and felt I had certainly benefitted. 

I walked away from the treatment rooms with an anticlimactic feeling - it was all over - obviously my body had the hard work to do now but I have a much better idea of what I was likely to go through over the next few weeks as my body heals. The nurse suggested that the obvious fibroma remaining on my left foot may entirely disappear and at that point it was certainly much softer, smaller and more compliant than it had been before treatment. I did consider how many times I had walked away from the treatment rooms, and mentally compared the first time to the last and how far I had come walking normally now without the limping I had become accustomed to.

A couple of days after the end of treatment and the soles of my feet, in particular the left, were pink and a little tender. The fibromas looked a little bigger than they did before the second round of treatment began, and I was expecting the deep tissue blistering to arrive any day. It certainly made long walks uncomfortable so I decided to give them a miss for now. I was moisturising every day as recommended and the skin was intact and not too dry at this stage. I was still feeling quite weary. All these side effects can be considered normal. The tiredness should gradually go away over the next 7 - 14 days, and I expect that around the 21 day mark I should be starting to adapt to a new normal with less pain and diminished fibromas.

Four days after the end of RT (Saturday) I could really feel the deep tissue discomfort similar to that after the first round of treatment developing. I also noticed (similar to the first treatment recovery) small discoloured dimples on some of the more tender areas of skin. Around the size of a match head and quite numb to the touch. By Sunday the pain had really kicked in and made getting about without shoes impossible. I was still avoiding lengthy walks but with a decent pair of shoes walking was just about bearable, but if any gravel or stones happened to fall under my soles I felt like the princess in “The Princess and the Pea”. By Monday I felt a lot less tired but the pain in the area I got the blistering was increasing. I was hoping that the recovery process for this round might be a lot faster - it would seem not! Looks like I might be suffering for another couple of weeks.

Example of second round blistering - Left foot

This update from 23rd February or 16 days after the second treatment ended. I had forgotten much pain the blistering caused. At least this time I had been prepared for the possibility of this happening but just didn’t remember how bad the previous pain had been. For at least a week the pain increased beyond comfortable levels, where I felt it necessary to ice the affected areas and take ibuprofen for some relief. I ended up using a topical pain relief cream which I stored in the fridge and had the double benefits of adding cooling to the area and the the also whatever was in the cream to numb the pain. It was so bad I spent the weekend avoiding walking at all with my feet up. The build up was gradual from day 5 but working (I’m on my feet all day) was difficult and by the weekend (I’m fortunate to Saturday and Sunday off) I spent the whole time with my feet up. By the Monday morning however the pain had considerably subsided - this was now day 13 after the end of treatment.

Since then, every day has seen an improvement, and I really feel by today ready to tackle a walk with the dogs (other than that the daytime temperature outside is 40C+ which means I’ll rest until it’s cooler…). I also noticed today that the fibroma on my left foot has continued to flatten and soften. 

Today is 9th March. Two days ago I had my final telephone consultation with the oncologist, who was happy with my progress. To be honest I rarely think about the state of my feet now apart from the odd grumble from the second toe on my left foot which is a little curled compared to the others and I suspect a shrinking of the tendons causing this. He also said that I had responded well to treatment and although he wouldn’t commit when I asked him if any recurrence was expected down the track he though it would be unlikely. This will probably be my last update on here for a while, though I may return to post update pictures as the soles of my feet change. Right now the existing fibroma has continued to shrink and flatten. I’m happy with the process and results as four or five months ago I was struggling to walk any distance due to the pain and discomfort, had increasing lumps on both feet and very painful areas.

13th March. Went for a long bike ride today. The result was that the tightness I had been feeling in my calves has significantly eased. Stretching the tendons has certainly helped stiffness and nagging low level pain. Maybe exercise IS the answer.

18th March. Just a quick update to say that the peeling arrived today. Still healing then! I thought there wouldn’t be any more changes to my feet, seems I was wrong.

So what next?

Despite my very good experience with radiotherapy, if it had been more easily available I think I would have taken the option of enzyme injections to treat my fibromas as the anecdotal evidence certainly seems to in general be very good. with radiotherapy I think it’s generally accepted that the success rate is around 80% with long term results over 5 - 10 years. However, if Medicare hadn’t covered the cost of the majority of the treatment it would have been worth serious consideration to travel internationally and have a bit of a holiday overseas whilst getting treatments - cost would likely work out cheaper, or at least comparable and success rates are very good.

During online discussions with Dr Eddie Davis a specialist from the US he suggested that treatments may be possible here in Australia - here’s an excerpt from our conversation from his Facebook group:

“Thank you for your post.  Unless Australia has a rule against off label use of medications, something I would be surprised if so, hyaluronidase is available and could be used for treatment of Ledderhose Disease.  Off label use means that an approved medication is used in a manner that is different for what it is originally intended.  Some specialties, such as neurology, have as high as a 60 percent off label use rate of medications in the US.   

The issue is finding a doctor who is willing to take an interest and make use of a medication.  Most of the doctors on our list of those using hyaluronidase were not found by me.  They were found by persistent patients making many calls until they found someone who would say yes.  The doctors who start the treatments generally adhere to the practice due to its high success rate.  At some point, someone will "break the ice" in Australia and get a doctor interested.”

From my research into available treatments and options open to me here in Australia, and being involved in social media groups there is definitely a demand here for support and treatment of Ledderhose and also Dupuytrens disease without the trauma caused by invasive surgery. All it needs is for a specialist in this field to take it up and there will be a long line of people waiting at their door for treatments.

I’ll be updating this information as things happen until we have the completed journey documented for others that are curious about treatment - in particular radiotherapy - for Ledderhose disease. If you’ve made it this far well done and thank you. Please leave a comment in the reply section at the end if you are able.

Previous published studies of this treatment suggest that I should continue to see improvement over the next 3 - 12 months - we wait and see!

Updated 29 May 2023:

Nearly four months have passed since the second treatment now. Whilst further improvement hasn’t exactly been dramatic, at least things haven’t got worse (yet) though as an eternal pessimist, this is something I worry about on a daily basis. Any little twinge or pain and I worry that the fibromas are returning. The arch of my right foot remains clear at the moment, but the arch of my left foot still has the fibroma stuck at around the same size as the last picture. The second toe on my left foot is still unnaturally high but at least doesn’t give me any pain. I do occasionally get a pinching feeling in the joint of the other three toes on my left foot, not unlike cramp but not as severe and it rarely lasts more than a moment or two. As it’s now winter this could easily be dismissed as damp/cold weather or rheumatism related. I am now extremely careful especially first thing in the morning that I don’t go barefoot, and make sure I wear something to offer support to my whole sole. I haven’t gone back to early morning walking with the dogs yet, but where I’ve done a four or five km walk I haven’t suffered any ill effects or short term pain.

I’m still calling the radiation treatment a success but with the caveat that we don’t know he long term effects of localised radiation treatment and there is a risk of cancer in this area in the long term, but that this was discussed during my consultations, and during that time the pain I was feeling meant it’s something I was willing to risk. Additionally, I don’t know that this is a permanent fix but as there is still currently no known ‘cure’ for this disease, I am just thankful that I’m not in pain every day like I had been before treatments commenced.

The treatment itself wasn’t too bad, fitted in with my daily schedule and wasn’t inconvenient, but the paid during recovery, burning, and skin flaking was something I wasn’t really expecting, despite having been warned about side effects etc. 

2 September. Update. 

So although my fibromas haven’t totally gone, I haven’t had any issues with them at all. I guess I was somehow expecting them to be gone by now but I guess they’ll always be there. The size varies by the time of day - a little larger by the end of the day, and generally very small at the start of the day. No pain really, the occasional twinge, and I had to break in a new pair of work boots yesterday, so my left foot (always the first to complain) is a bit sore, particularly around the toes - I get a cramping feeling here if anything unusual happens - too much walking, new and tight shoes etc but not crippling pain that stops you in your tracks. In fact, I managed 10,000 steps today WITH sore feet and walked through the pain until now I have tired but pain free feet.
If you’re looking to ease your Ledderhose based issues, I say investigate the options available to you. In many places either surgery or radiation seem to be available as long as you have done your research  and can convince your GP to refer you to a specialist. Long term, radiation is still a “risky” option. No one knows the potential long term effects of exposure to large amounts of radiation, though a friend of ours who was suffering with cancer had massive doses to deal with her tumour - the alternative is obvious. With Lederhose it seems to be - how much pain are you prepared to put up with before you seek some kind of treatment. It’s probably a more common disease than you think and with just a little digging it’s easy to find people in your peer group that are suffering, or have suffered with the condition. Until there is more awareness about the issues I don’t imagine treatment options will change but other treatments are available - but just not locally.
This will likely be my final posting on this blog unless something significant happens - so thanks for your support. I assume you have found this post through your own research and are suffering similarly, so good luck in whatever you decide and I hope your pain reduces as much as mine has.

Good luck to you in your personal battle.

Here we are again!

Hello peoples.

So a slack time at work during the spell between Christmas and New Year has gifted me some time to do some email housekeeping and I found you! I had almost totally forgotten about the masterpiece of regurgitation that is my 'Clouds in my Brain' blog.

It's been a while since my last rambling post which I note was also on a New Years Eve so there really should be some wise words of wisdom that I could say about taking stock of time passed on the last day of the year. If I had any.

I re read my previous grumblings about people and stuff in general and my personal outlook, and although several years have passed in between now and my last post, I can say that my views don't appear to have really changed very much, about people or stuff.

I find that as I get older my political standing leans further and further left which seems to defy the general populace whose self interest and possible wants and needs to take care of number one and your nearest and dearest often seems to lead to leanings to the right. I'm alright Jack and must stay that way regardless of the toll taken on any kind of community we still have left in the world, and of course our failing environment.

"Western" society and the world in general seem to be taking a nasty slip toward fascism, or conservatism (if you prefer) and our own dear government seem intent on forcing society to follow an ecclesiastic path - and additionally pushing the boundaries of what is good, decent or suitable for anything other than a small minority of super rich (or super religeous - or both!) on a daily basis.

The world seems to be run from behind the scenes by the Murdochracy and puppetry of what we identify as 'our' society - that is to say people that we identify with as being similar to ourselves such as those in the US, UK, Australia where Murdoch has a large portion of the populace entranced by his various 'entertainment' and 'news' outlets.

Our country is on fire at the time of writing, both metaphorically and in reality. Bush fires burn, our PM has hypocritically buggered off on holiday saying he deserves time out - incidentally after criticising a woman during the Victorian fires a few years back for taking a couple of hours out of her schedule to go for a meal. Disappearing for a few days, against taking a couple of hours out - not the same thing at all I realise. I am sick of the disdain with which we are treated by our government who should be in place to govern for the common good - the do as I say not as I do double standard attitude garners no respect from me. He seems to be doing the political equivalent of standing with his fingers in his ears singing "la-la-la" whenever climate change is mentioned, or any attempts are made to address making provision for the future and the possibilities of what a warming planet may look like and what we can put in place to mitigate against possible disaster.

My own personal feeling is that we have probably stumbling along far too long in the wrong direction to do anything meaningful that will save us and our planet from extreme changes to our lives and lifestyles. We have overpopulated the planet due to our successes in domination of all species and need to consider that if we don't arrest this headlong plunge we must accept that disappearance of species due to depletion of habitat, or even certain crops being no longer viable in certain areas due to changes in the 'Goldilocks' zone where things can be cultured.

Look at South Australia and the Goyder line - this was an area defined back in the 1860s by George Goyder as being the line between where on average areas above the line were considered drought affected, and those below were considered suitable for farming. Of course in these temperate zones, the climate for humans is also good, so we have conflict between housing the population in an area that is pleasant to live, and somewhere that is good to grow crops and graze livestock. Now 160 years later it's largely considered that the line has taken a shift Southwards reducing productive land - imagine this on a global scale, and our increasing world population that needs to be fed has a decreasing area that can be farmed - or lived on.

I don't have an answer. I think most people don't really want to even consider the issue and want to go on living a good life and doing their little bit by recycling, getting solar panels and in the future possibly buying an electric vehicle. But I think this is really where we fall down. Although people may want to do the right thing, the question about where it's all going and what can we do to try and address future provision is all too hard. So I think the best thing our leaders (who need to lead) could do is try and break down the questions onto smaller parts that can be addressed on a personal and daily basis.

Puts me in mind of a saying: (apologies for the theft of the image but it was the best one I could find)

I guess what I'm saying is that however we are affected by future changes to climate, whether you accept they are accelerated by mankind, or a natural phenomenon, we must all agree soon on a course of action. There is too much evidence to ignore that 'something' is happening, and unless 'something' is done to counteract where we are going, 'someone' is going to end up paying. And by someone I mean everyone. And by paying I don't mean with money. Depressing when you stop to think about it really isn't it?

To sign off I'm nicking someone elses words again too - and I'll paraphrase this from Monty Pythons the meaning of life - one of my favourite and most quotable movies of all time:

Well I know it's not much of a philosophy but.... well.... Fuck you!...
I can live my own life in my own way if I want to... Fuck off... Don’t come following me!

A word on New Year celebrations

So the end of the year is nearly here again.

Take it easy on the celebrations folks, don't drink and drive and keep taking the water which should reduce your hangover! End of year celebrations can be really very good on occasion, but often I feel I am really just going through the motions waiting for the inevitable 12.00am and Auld Land Syne inappropriate mouth kissings and sneak away home to bed.

Due to a bereavement one year we decided to not celebrate and take an early night which was probably one of the more memorable New Years eves I have experienced and New Year's Day was beautifully hangover and guilt free!

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End of year always makes one reflect on the preceding 12 months.

This year I reached my half century, and at this milestone I though about a lot of things. I often do.

Since my last post here we moved house to a lovely suburb away from the beach and my eyes have been opened a little to the general crappiness of some of the people at the last suburb we lived. It was an isolated clique of fools and although the beach was beautiful, the suburb itself had few amenities so if you wanted to shop, visit the pub or take your kids to school it meant a car ride. A few of the locals were low socio economic category and had plenty of time to spend thinking up reasons something shouldn't be done - just to keep everything nice and familiar and back in 1969. Either owner occupiers or as the housing price boom hadn't reached there yet, or renters of very cheap property. A number of the nicer houses were rented out as bed and breakfast establishments, a similar number were rarely used other than at holiday season by wealthy owners wanting their shack by the seaside experience. A further category were just 'dormitory' houses where the occupants keep themselves to themselves and perhaps commute to the city every day, bring up a young family and maybe not want to get involved in local events. Houses were either cheap, shack type dwellings or expensive huge houses on small blocks - in general a suburb overdue for a facelift and not in line for one any time soon assuming something 'nasty' doesn't befall the old guard of residents, or until they die off  over the next few decades.

It was a soulless place, anything positive would be quickly squashed by a minority of nutters with too much time on their hands discouraging anyone with new ideas or enthusiasm. I speak from personal experience.

Since leaving there and joining a friendly community where generally everyone nods hello and may stop to pass the time when they have a free moment, my outlook has improved positively and I guess that's why I haven't found reason or need to post one of my famous rants here 😀

Anyway, my thoughts on the eve of my 50th birthday are published below for your consideration. I hadn't even had a drink when I wrote them!

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Today I am in the last day of my forties.

It doesn't feel like water is draining away down the sink. It doesn't feel like the magic key is about to be turned in the great golden door of wisdom.

It feels like any other day.

I feel like I have always felt. I'm still me. I am a little more grumpy these days, I feel I have more empathy, I am moved a little more easily emotion wise, I ache more than I did twenty years ago body wise, and sometimes I struggle to finish a sentence or remember something that I should be able to.

I'm old enough to know what I like. I'm old enough to know what I don't like.

My bullsh*t meter still works really well and I think has been almost tuned to perfection.

I guess I feel that I should in some way mark this milestone by saying something profound or otherwise special, but to be honest my wisdom is my own, and you will have your own, if not now, then soon enough.

Life can be sweet, it can also be sh*tty. It's a lot easier if you have money -a LOT of money. Not so easy if you have none, but life still offers opportunities for many of us to have a good life.

My pearls are:
Be positive - how you view the world will reflect back on you.
Have good humour - that will help during tough times
Be nice to others. Facebook reminded me this morning via "you have memories" that I have previously said

'Regarding commenting on a facebook post:
THINK
T- is it true? H- is it helpful? I- is it inspiring? N- is it necessary? K- is it kind? If it's none of the above, refrain from commenting!'

I think this can apply to life in general.

So back to age. Some of us are blessed with good genes and look younger than our age, some of us, not so much. We judge so much by looks in our society which is not a good thing. I previously blogged about becoming invisible once I turned thirty something. When I was in my twenties I was too young. Now I'm about to turn fifty I'm too old. Sometime there I must have blinked and missed my own perfect goldilocks zone.
None of us were born old. The elderley are going through it for the first (and last) time too like the rest of us. They probably feel like they did at sixteen too apart from the betrayals of the body.

So if you've made it this far without clicking on something else, well done. I don't have a punchline, amusing comment, or secret of life to reveal (sorry) apart from being true to yourself. I guess my point is that we all kind of muddle along and all of a sudden reach some kind of milestone and wonder what the hell happened in the intervening years?

I'm going to sign off for now with the following quote I though worthy of a repost back in 2010

Courtesy of the late Douglas Adams I think it describes how I see myself, and it's the kind of thing I like to use to prove the saying 'many a true word spoken in jest'.

“He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.”

Kamahl - Why are people so unkind?

I have a rant and a rave on here from time to time and I've always considered myself fairly cynical, but bloody hell - some of the people around here (the suburb in which I live) make me feel like Mr Positive.

Just lately I have had the misfortune to have close dealings with a couple of locals who seem to spend all their time 'dissing' everyone else, and anything new which may come up has some reason why it can't be done, rather than embracing change which is generally for the better - these people want everything to be the same as it's always been.

These are the same people that you may know - their sentences usually start with something like "I've lived here for 20 years and...." or "in 20 years I've never seen (insert subject here)"

The inference is that having lived locally for a number of years makes you more or less entitled to an opinion or right to have your say - whereas someone who hasn't lived locally for so long should automatically have less of a say, or no say at all.

These are also the loudest shouting people in the neighbourhood who consider that everyone shares their opinions (or should share their opinions) and they therefore are the hard done by majority (in their view).

So - to the header - Kamahls famous quote "Why are people so unkind?"

Going by the people I am referring to here it's down to:

a) stupidity (in more than one case) with  a blinkered narrow view, and
b) pure nastiness because setting people against each other, spreading rumours and gossip around the neighbourhood, and creating an unpleasant environment to destroy good works where others have worked hard to build good relationships and a strong community must help their self esteem in some way.

Go figure, because I can't.

I have taken steps to not engage with these people any more, and it seems to have a good effect on me, as I feel a little happier in myself, but it's sad that a community can be ruined by a few toxic and unpleasant people.

Shame.

Bees, and the birds (but not really birds)

My fascination with bees began many years ago. I have always had an interest in self sufficiency since watching episodes of 'The Good Life' back in the UK as a kid, I don't know why the comedic lives of Tom and Barbara Good resonated so much with the young Maximus, but my Mum spent a lot of time in the garden, growing vegetables and flowers and teaching me the ways of the home farmer. Flowers attract bees and even as a young boy I was aware that bees were the friend of mankind and spent hours watching them forage in and around our garden, improving our fruit and vegetable yields, whilst perpetuating their own species.



Later in life I discovered the books of Conan Doyle and read about the life and times of Sherlock Holmes. Apparently it isn't common knowledge that this fictional character took up beekeeping upon retirement. Another resonance in my life, so I think I've always been destined to spend at least some of my time looking after bees - my style of beekeeping is to really let them get on with it and provide them with a nice pest and disease free environment, something that is much easier in this part of Australia than many other parts of the world. We are yet to suffer many of the problems of the rest of the world, such as colony collapse disorder, or the curse of the Varroa mite, which sadly many believe to only be a matter of time.



I spend a lot of my working day on the road, and during winter in Australia many of the normal flying insects which buzz around in summer are hibernating or taking it easy in some other form, so it makes bee spotting very easy. When you have an interest in something it seems to be on your mind a lot and I started to notice bees flying around whenever I was stopped at traffic lights. Bees seem to like to rest on white vehicles too, though I've always been a little concerned when the lights turn green, traffic moves off, and a bee starts to unwittingly hitch a ride. The disaster of a quick rest turning in to a long or possibly unnavigable flight back to the home hive, loss and maybe even death..... dramatic stuff.


So back to the point, as I see so many bees around traffic light junctions, does it mean that bees navigate by road? Everything I have read on the subject tells us how bees use the sun to navigate, and once a food source has been found the bee dances to tell the other bees in the hive where to find the good stuff. This is perfectly acceptable to me. However, as bees are apparently able to use landmarks to know where they live, why shouldn't they also use landmarks to navigate. We can see this in the way that bees in a newly established (either moved or installed) hive will have a navigational expedition on their first morning, rising up into the air to get their bearings and learn their new surroundings. This also goes on with the young worker bees as they grow. The toilet flight as I call it that my girls have in the afternoon (depending upon the season the time during the day of the toilet flight varies) also appears to be an opportunity for the young ladies to rise up and take stock of their surroundings until they are mature enough to go out into the wide world to forage and bring back food for the rest of the hive.

There often seem to be so many bees around road areas, traffic lights and crossroads, and yet if I go on foot around the local area, away from roads and built up areas, I don't see bees taking a regular 'flight path' being used apart from in the near vicinity of any of the wild colonies that I know exist.
It's a weird phenomenon which a few other beekeepers I have discussed it with have now started to notice. If bees use roads to navigate is open to conjecture, but I think it might make sense as roads once built don't very often move so supply a regular non moving landmark.

Bee awareness is massively magnified once you start keeping bees, and whenever I'm out walking the dogs or whatever, its interesting to watch bees on local flora whenever there is a honey flow on. Bushes and trees, literally 'abuzz' with bees bring a smile to my face, as it does when I see a bee alight gently on a car stopped at traffic lights, or one flying along above the traffic in the haphazard way that they do when on a mission either back to the hive, or out to forage. It certainly seems to disprove the phrase 'bee line' as bees in flight often fly along constantly adjusting their course rather than in a direct straight line.

I guess the question left at the end of all of this should then be, do bees stop at red traffic lights?

Volunteering - Why bother?

Sometimes, something really makes you want to spit. Or swear. Or kick the dog. Not that little Fido has done anything worthy of being on the receiving end of a toe punt, it's just an expression.

Volunteering in the community is a very nice way of helping others, and it has its own rewards - not in any monetary sense but in that warm and fuzzy feeling that you get when you know a job has been well done, or you helped an old lady across the road. You get the picture. Altruistic pleasure. It's a good thing.

I love to see those TV programmes where you have a whole community coming together and planting vegetables on verges outside houses for communal consumption, or there is a working bee to tidy someones garden - you know the kind of thing

Our state in Australia has the oddest phenomenon. Ambulance Attendants (we'll call them attendants for want of a better name - could be driver, medical assistant or whatever) and Firemen are often but not always unpaid volunteers. In a country where we have a relatively small population and seem to pay an inordinate amount of taxes it seems surprising that such important professions - for they are really professions in all meanings of the term - are filled by unpaid volunteers. For those that want to do it and get their rewards from participation and job well done - I applaude your efforts, but I do find it a little strange that in a so called civilised country we rely on the kindness of those donating their time to get such jobs done - and lets not quibble that in the main either position might not provide the best of times for anyone willing to risk their life and possibly mental wellbeing to attend a call out. PTSD could well be a factor at some point during the life of an unpaid volunteer, as it could with  a paid counterpart, but how is this possibility dealt with in either case?

I heard recently that cancers 'caused by' or due to factors experienced by paid fire service employees could be treated freely under a workers compensation agreement negotiated in the pay conditions of an employee. Volunteers were not eligible under the same agreement. What? Yes - CFS and MFS fight the same fires and are exposed to  the same conditions - one is a paid profession the other a volunteer unit, yet one gets their compensation, the other doesn't. Somehow this shouldn't be allowed. In Tasmania, there is no such demarcation, and all firefighters are eligible. Paid firefighters in Tasmania make up just 6% of the entire firefighting force. I suspect the numbers are similar in other parts of the country.

And so to volunteer fatigue -

As there is no cash payment for volunteering, and yet much of our society seems to rely on people doing things out of the goodness of their hearts, one couldn't possibly expect too much from a volunteering peer. Having been a member of a couple of volunteer organisation committees it's never easy to encourage new volunteers and a well meaning group can often lose focus and the volunteers lose interest and drift away. Bullying doesn't work - I have seen other community organisations run like a finely tuned engine where those in command run rough shod over their minions - but not for long, as people will soon tire of working hard for someone else to take the credit.

In a society where we are taught that everyone has an 'angle' and no one does anything for nothing without some kind of payment - in kind or otherwise - it is increasingly difficult to get people off their bums and out of doors to do something to help their fellow man.

Apathy seems to be on the increase and although many people want the government, local council or whomever to sort out their problems, it's just "not their job", and community then seems to suffer..

I recently organised a presentation to our community association from the grafitti and crime prevention people at our local council. From a comittee of 10 people in a community of 450 houses we had 5 people turn out. The event had been organised after quite a large amount of tagging/grafitti had been done locally, and a couple of residents were keen to find out what could be done (by the council) to fix their problem, so we publicised it locally, and it was a really interesting presentation. Regrettably hardly anyone attended. The rest were all probably at home watching 'the voice' or 'masterchef'. Exciting stuff.......

So what's the point of having a community association and trying to get people to volunteer if they aren't interested in the community, their neighbours or keeping the place a nice place to live? Why should we bother to try and set a good example to our youth and instill some good core values?

One day you might need to use the emergency services and if there's no one volunteering to do the dirty jobs, you might just be stuck on the road in a vehicle accident, whilst others rubberneck past wondering whose job it is to fix someone elses problem.